Starting

I have commitment issues.

As a happily married woman, I should clarify that I don’t mean relational commitment issues. I am not second guessing the vows I made over five years ago promising to stick with my husband for better or worse. As I tell him all the time #notakebacks! That man is stuck with me until death do us part.

What I mean is that I have trouble making up my mind when I’m just embarking (or want to embark) on something new. Once I’ve made a decision — I’m all set. I’m competitive and stubborn as hell so I will accomplish my goal (said through gritted teeth). It’s before I get to that point of a firm and unwavering commitment that is the struggle. While I’m trying to make up my mind — frankly, I’m miserable. So as I kick off this blog, what better way to start than talking about the process of starting? More specifically, the process of getting to that burning yes that drives actual action.

Personally, I find that having seemingly unlimited options and access to such an astonishing amount of information on the World Wide Web, downright overwhelming. As a woman in her thirties, I can still remember the days before I could google the answer to anything and everything. Remember encyclopedias? This wealth of information and choices plants the seed of doubt in my mind when trying to make a decision. Perhaps if I just look at one more page of the 4,000 + results for “6-12 month baby socks,” I will find the perfect pair for my 10 month old.

This struggle is rooted in the fear of making the wrong choice. Making a choice feels permanent, that I may close a door that I will later regret. This makes sense when you realize that the word decision contains the latin root word cis which means to ‘cut’ or ‘kill.’ To make a decision is to ‘cut off’ all possibilities expect for one. So I ho and hum for so long that often — the choice is made up for me. The sweater I ultimately want is no longer available in my size. The baby woke up from her nap before I could get a workout in. They are no longer accepting applications for that job posting that seemed like a perfect fit. Then I emotionally beat myself up about taking so long to make a decision. Rinse & Repeat.

Not particularly healthy approach to life, is it? It’s infuriating (and not particularly productive) to second guess every.single.decision you make. To seek external expertise or validation before taking any and every action. This is what they call the art of procrastinating. And friends, it’s one I’ve been honing for years. What would life look like to trust my gut instinct more often?

Here is my current approach to making a decision and turning that decision into action:

1. Identify what’s wildly important.

Visualization is your friend here. In the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey recommends you envision yourself as a bystander at your funeral. What will people remember you for when you pass? What will they say in your eulogy? While morbid, this is quite effective for identifying priorities. Another option is to daydream about your future #bosslife in 10 years. Go big. Get wild. Remember: you only have one life. Now write down those big crazy dreams and pick one to start working on. Yes - just one.

2. Embrace the beauty of iteration.

I’ve guided multiple large-scale strategic planning initiatives at this point in my professional career. The key to get a plan down on paper is to embrace the idea of iteration. The adage “don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good” is my mantra throughout these planning sessions. Knowing that you can (and should) come back and revisit your strategic plan often and tweak it as new information comes to light or insights arise from implementing earlier stages of your plan makes the whole process less daunting. As Seth Godin puts it, “It’s foolish to wait until you’ve made something that’s perfect, because you never will. The alternative is to continue to move toward your imaginary ideal, shipping as you iterate.”

3. Automate it.

I don’t question wether or not to brush my teeth each morning. I just do it. It’s an ingrained habit (thanks Mom). It’s also an excellent reminder that I can create new habits. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

Here is where I need to fight the temptation to do too much all at once, to make big sweeping changes. I challenge myself to pick just one behavior to focus on now. A “keystone habit” that will move me towards my wildly important goal. I then take that one habit and scale it down to the smallest possible action I can think of. For example, if I want to start flossing - I’d start with flossing just one tooth. It should seem absurdly simple. These baby steps move you forward, give you the momentum and confidence you need to keep growing. It’s likely once you start flossing you will floss all your teeth but even if you don’t - you are have practiced firing up that starting muscle and that’s amazing. Eventually that action will become easier, it will be come a habit, you won’t think about it as much because it’s just part of who you are, almost as if it’s ingrained into your DNA. You are a runner. You are a writer. You are someone who brushes AND flosses their teeth.

And if that negative talk kicks in - just restate the sentence with the word ‘yet’ tacked onto the end. “I’m not good at [fill in the blank], yet. But I’m on my way.”

4. Reframe discomfort.

When I start working out again after an extended time off - I find myself sore, tired, and frustrated that I’m not at the same level of fitness as I was before.

I’ve decided to reframe this discomfort. We gain muscle mass when we repeatedly challenge our bodies - breaking down and rebuilding muscle fibers. If I’m sore - instead of complaining about it, I rejoice. I know I must be getting stronger. I must be doing something right.

The same principle applies to the discomfort I feel when making any change. Who said it was going to be easy? Who said it was going to be pain free? You’re uncomfortable? Good. You must be making progress. I love this quote from Phillips Brooks that sums this idea up — “Do not pray for easy lives; pray to be stronger people.”

5. Celebrate the mess.

I have every to-do list app under the sun. I’ve Marie Kondoed every drawer in our home. I love the ideal of “inbox zero”. I frantically strive to be organized and tidy.

This is my recovering perfectionist. Procrastination rearing it’s ugly head. Instead of spending hours rearranging my closet by color - I’ve decided to celebrate the mess. My 10 month old baby has given me a crash course on this one. (Especially at meal time; I’m extremely thankful to have dog to act as a vacuum cleaner.)

As I look at my unruly email inbox, I meditate on Anne Lamott’s words in her book Bird by Bird: “Perfectionism means that you try desperately not to leave so much mess to clean up. But clutter and mess who’s us that life is being lived.”

Let’s live life to it’s fullest. You’ve probably heard the cliche “getting started is the hardest part”. Let’s go ahead and start anyways. Sometimes you just have to take the plunge and trust it will all be OK.